Time: 9:07 am
Weather: Cloudy and rainy
Music: "The gentle rain" - RJD2 remix
Mood: reflective
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As the day of my first "Walk and Talk" fast approaches, I wanted to write a little bit about how I have overcome the fear of meeting new people. At first I relied heavily upon my skills and hobbies to engage with people in a setting I controlled. This was done primarily through card tricks.
Performing magic tricks provided me not only a highly memorable first impression but also a strong foundation in reading body language and expressions. In addition, it gave me an environment in which to test and practice new social nuances through timing and varying patter - the conversation a magician has with the audience. Due to the fact that a lot of the tricks I performed were impromptu I grew accustom to adjusting and making minute by minute alterations to my act in order to better entertain a new arrival or capitalize on a comment or expression of an audience member. But the biggest lesson was how to slow down and give each interaction I had with people the semblance of a beginning, middle and end. Through 100's of hours of performances in different countries (England, Scotland, Rome, South Korea and Mexico) these skills were honed and often relied on non-verbal communication to convey the performance.
Stories are integral to the human race, it's the very fabric of our societies - past, present and future. Through understanding this commonality we can then learn how to weave and construct strong, thoughtful and meaningful interactions with others - on the fly. Like any skill, this one takes time - often my stories were quite short.
Typical dialogue:
Pick a card - memorize the card - fall in love with that card - now place it among it's friends - give them a good shuffle - hold out your hand - was this your card? - no? - hold onto it as tight as you can - *taps hand* - are you ready for the magic? - Now was that your card? - yes!
With the use of showmanship and bravado I became the setting - the environment. I included them in the story through an interaction point - the cards. Through their interaction, they became actors and I personified the cards to fill out the cast. I built up the climax with a false twist - like in most great stories. Then provided them a fitting climactic finish - revealing their card has changed. Even though this story was only 1-2 minutes it is a very good story and is well constructed.
Once I had trained/performed/altered/trained/performed etc. in the art of story telling it wasn't very difficult to then adapt that to conversations outside of doing card tricks. Now when I speak to people I naturally and effortlessly slip into a story telling mode, following the same or similar order. This is often what people call self confidence and composure - I call it quality story telling.
Luckily, this is a skill. Let me repeat myself - THIS IS A SKILL. Something anyone can acquire through effort and determination. Many individuals often think people are born confident. However I believe the environment in which they grew up plays a much stronger role. Even though nurture may play a strong role the truly confident person is one who has bridged the gap between being externally motivated to being internally motivated. The strength of the mortar that holds your stories together is based largely upon your presence and the environment you create. (Please read that bit again) With practice, loads of humility and honing your ability to empathize with your audience; you can create stories that meet them on an emotional, intellectual and hopefully humorous level. I believe the pinnacle of empathy is when you can make someone laugh based upon wit and not vulgarity.
Now for me I used magic tricks to develop these skills and observations however I don't expect everyone to become David Blaine's overnight (ok maybe that's a bad example he's kinda odd) but I hope that you can take this experience and adapt it to your own interests or hobbies. The way in which to overcome this fear is basically frequent exposure therapy and your hobby/skill/interest serves as your entry point.
Think about it this way your hobbies/skills/interests as water wings and the pool as the fear of meeting new people. Once you have practiced and grown accustom to this environment with the aid of your water wings you will be able to graduate from this stage and swim freely with others, dive deep into meaningful dialogue, float effortlessly throughout social gatherings - and create some significant and meaningful waves along the way simply through uour presence.
Take Aways:
- Stories are the medium through which we communicate with others
- Learn how to tell stories - develop the skill of self confidence
- Hone your skill of empathy - pinnacle = tastful humor and wit.
- Remember you create the setting/environment others occupy when they interact with you (read again)
- Don't lean too heavily on your hobbies/skills/interests - keep your eye on the prize! (no water wings)
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